I whine about America a lot. It’s hard to be patriotic when oil, pharmecuitical and insurance companies rule your country and malls are the size of Monaco. I’ll spare you of my liberal notions for now and skip straight to the point.
We just celebrated our Independence Day, and despite my sometimes unpatriotic attitude, the 4th of July is my favoirite holiday. Rain and fireworks are my favoritie things, and here in Florida, in the summer, it rains almost everyday, so I get my sweet thunder shower in the afternoon and then get to see a beautiful display of fireworks at night.
I also love this holiday because it gets people doing the things that I think we should be doing more of all of the time. People get together with friends and family, we cook out (but not in a gluttonous kind of way like friggen Thanksgiving. Don’t get me started on Thanksgiving), we go outside and we blow shit up. It’s great. I see people and kids laughing and playing outside, the way it should be all of the time. I also like this holiday because it makes me think about our Founding Fathers and the Revolutionary War and a time when we had true badasses leading and fighting for our country. I am about to go on a mini tangent because I have a huge crush on the Founding Fathers and I can’t help myself. Just bare with me.
Those motherfuckers were the smartest and bravest. If you ask me, there has never been a time in history when so much brilliance has ever been in one room together. And you know what? They were essentially terrorist. They locked themseles in a steaming hot, boarded up room and commited treason in a country that had your head for such crimes. Bravery. I would totally go down on Thomas Jefferson. Back to intelligence, relatively speaking, we are a young country, but have one of the oldest constitutions. They made it hard to change the constitution which is a hard thing to do! I won’t continue on my spiel about the Founding Father’s, but please read a book about them or something because they were damn sexy.
I went to Australia recently, and did a lot of compare and contrasting between that country and mine, and of course, found a lot of what they are doing to be better and more efficient. In honor of America’s Independence Day however, I decided to spend the day appreciating the things that I do like about America, instead of complaining about its‘ faults.
I’m pretty sure I have been to every state, except for Alaska and Hawaii, so I have seen what America has to offer and it definitely has its‘ moments.
- I wish that I could live to see the day when everyone in the world is the same shade of light brown. I think it will be beautiful. Mixed people are the prettiest people anyway. Though I won’t live to see this day, and even with all of this racial tension that is unfortunately flaring up right now in the states, I think that America will do it first. We will be the first in the world to completely homogenize and all become the same shade of light brown.
- The Grand Canyon. If you are an American who goes their whole life without seeing the Grand Canyon, you’re an asshole. Everyone should see it as an adult, it’s incredibly humbling.
- We have New Orleans. One of the greatest cities in the world.
- I call him the “go to hottie.” Meaning, the person who first comes to everyone’s mind when needing to name someone incredibly hot right off the top of their head. Brad Pitt. He’s an American.
- We know how to drink. Some other countries I have been to, when you order a drink, you are getting maybe 3/4 ounce of liquor; that’s a standard pour. What the fuck am I supposed to do with that? It would take me eight drinks to even feel friendly enough to make eye contact with anyone. Here in America, when I go to a dive bar, I’m getting at least two ounces of liquor per drink. So that’s my number 5b.) We have legit dive bars. Sure, you might get an STD just by sitting down on a dive’s bar stool, but at least I’m getting a good drink.
- Marvel and DC comics. You’re welcome, world.
- As embarrassing as we can sometimes be, at least we know how to keep things interesting. While on Venice Beach (which without a doubt, holds the most out of their god damn mind people in the whole world), I was walking around with the Trojan and one of the other band members, and because they have traveled to many many different countries due to touring, I asked them what country has the weirdest people, and without hesitation, they both declared, “America.” I giggled, and the Trojan said, “that’s not a good thing,” to which I agree… but for some reason, it gives me an odd sense of pride.
- Jack White and Eminem.
- Jazz and blues. Boom.
- S’mores. And that scene about s’mores in The Sandlot. “Smalls, this is s’mores stuff okay, pay attention!”
- Pennsylvania, home of the handsome. I don’t know what it is, but there are so many hot boys in Pennsylvania. You’re welcome, single girls.
- Asheville, NC. There is a brewery and a book store on every corner. I’m in.
- Work ethic. I know that “lazy Americans” is a stereotype, and it’s definitely not untrue. There are plenty of lazy assholes here, however, from what I have seen, I think that most Americans expect to work hard to make money, and do work hard. I have often seen immigrants from more Eastern cultures who come here, and they are the ones expecting to not have to work hard, they think that America has twenty dollar bills falling from the sky or something. I partly blame television, but also I think a lot of that belief, that all Americans are just rolling around in money, is that in many of these countries, the dollar goes far. So when an Albanian man comes over here and works a normal, let’s say, $12/hour job, and starts sending money back home, that money can buy luxury in Albania, but the people over there don’t realize that that money can only buy bargain white bread here. Point being, there are absolutely lazy Americans, but I would say that the majority of us, the middle class, work our asses off.
- Diversity! We have it all! Every culture in the whole damn world can be found somewhere in America and there is something to love about that.
- Steven Spielberg. Every emotion ever felt has somehow been depicted in a Steven Spielberg film. You can learn everything you need to know about human connection by watching a marathon of Spielberg movies.
- The Redwood Forest. (Which we’re killing, but I’ll save that point for a time when I’m not concerned with trying to be positive).
- The Pacific Coast Highway. One of the most beautiful drives in the world.
- Butch Cassidy, Doc Holliday, The Apache Kid, Jesse James and Bonnie & Clyde. Coolest outlaws ever.
- Beef Jerky
- Memphis. There is a hole in the wall right in downtown Memphis called… Blues Hall? I think? One of my favorite nights on any tour was spent there with my best tour buddy at my side. We just sat and watched these fat old black men and one Asian woman play the blues and it was beautiful and true blues because it looked like they were in deep despair and had sold their souls to the Devil. Then we went to the Mississippi River and illegally checked out the old steam boats at midnight.
- Washington D.C. Read a book about the secrets of DC and the entire underground world. It will blow your mind. Also, D.C. is a great representation of the economic divide. That is definitely not something I’m proud of, but it is interesting to see that right in our nation’s capital, where some of the richest and most powerful people in the world are walking around daily, if you walk a couple of blocks down, you will see utter poverty. There are people sleeping in rows in the middle of the damn sidewalk because there is a small hole in the ground that lets out the steam which keeps the homeless people warm. The men and women in the suits just walk right over them. Literally. Sorry to get depressing, I know I’m suppose to be pretending to be patriotic in this one, so I will end that thought with… Washington D.C. is a very cool city with a lot of history.
I’m already making a list in my mind of everything that I can’t stand about America, but for the moment, just because fireworks and thunder storms make me happy, and I just saw an epic storm and an epic firework show, I wanted to be momentarily positive and optimistic and share some things to be grateful for.