Every time I walk into a Trader Joe’s I want to kill myself.
^That is why.
The two “pro’s” of this grocery store, is that they have healthy food for cheap. I’m going to focus on the “con’s.” Lets start with pulling into the parking lot. When this happens, my mood immediately plummets, and my anxiety immediately escalates. At all times, there are at least 600 people (it seems) in a Los Angeles Trader Joe’s, but they only have four parking spots. Upon entering, you’re met with seven types of people.
1. The crazy woman with frizzy hair, wearing some sort of capri pant with sneakers. She is probably standing less than five feet tall, squinting at all of the ingredient labels and quietly talking to herself, unaware that she is in your fucking way.
2. The twenty-something indie couple. Enough said.
3. The celebrity. Almost every time I’ve gone into a Trader Joe’s I see a B list celebrity. This does not make the trip worthwhile. All this means is you think to yourself for a brief moment, “Cool, there’s the girl from that shitty television show that I can’t think of the name of,” then you keep walking.
4. The hip single Dad who somehow is maintaining a smile and positive vibes.
5. The college girl who always has a basket, not a cart. She is generally aware that she is in your way, but pretends to not be by avoiding eye contact. I like these girls though, they tend to move fast and don’t take up much space.
6. The middle-aged hippie. This can be a man or woman, but they’re always wearing hemp clothing, sandals and definitely have their own reusable bags and some sort of very old arm tattoo.
7. The rich, older woman. They’re polite and not usually in your way because they’ve got nothing but time, so they’ll wait for a clearing.
I love people, but too many in a small space, on top of being freezing, makes me hate everyone. Yes, it is always freezing inside Trader Joe’s because the freezers do not have doors. After twenty-five minutes of “excuse me’s,” and taking detours and fending off mean looks from other people hating their life, and waiting for the crazy woman to step away from the granola, I ask the question, is this worth it? I appreciate the $15 dollars I just saved, but my day is now a little bit shittier and I still have to make one more stop because while they carry a lot, Trader Joe’s does not carry everything. If there was a booth at the exit that cost $15 to get one’s memory erased of the experience, I would probably do it. I suppose that means the trade-off is not worth it in my eyes.
What almost makes it worth it, is how cheap the liquor is. However, I end up immediately cracking open the bottle when I get home in order to calm my nerves. The few bucks I saved on the liquor is spent in those couple of drinks that I wouldn’t normally have. It’s disturbing that I have the same reaction to a Trader Joe’s experience as I do after an awkward run-in with an ex… “I need a drink.” So the money I saved, I made up for in extra drinking and liver destruction.
Every time I leave, I tell myself that I will never go back, it was really the last time this time. But then, a month and a half later, I find myself breaking my promise and I return for some obnoxious reason. Why, in perfect health, I would choose to put myself through such hell, I will never know. So again I ask, is the trade-off worth it?