I completely blew off the bartender today who I spoke of in Volume 4. I do feel bad about it, but I will not subject you to my tales of self-hatred and woes. Instead I am going to talk about why it just wasn’t going to work. Last time I hung out with her, I had what I like to call, an “uh-oh moment.” I think we all have had these moments, but I have actually named it because it unfortunately happens oh so very often and it is the beginning of the end.
The “uh-oh moment” is that single second, after your boyfriend/girlfriend/fuck-buddy/romantic interest does or says something that can be pin-pointed, which causes an unexplainable switch to go off in your brain, and from that moment on, you just know that you will never be attracted to that person again. There is no going back. I’ve grown to recognize these moments, and when it happens, I literally think, “uh-oh” in my mind because I know that no matter how hard I try to salvage romantic feelings, or force myself to be turned-on by the person, it’s simply a lost cause. It’s sad, because it’s never something the person did wrong… it’s one of the few times that it is truly a “it’s not you, it’s me” occurrence.
For example, I was at the bartender’s apartment just lounging around chatting with her. She is absolutely beautiful, and has this great energy that radiates from her, but she hit me with, “I think humans are the product of aliens mating with monkeys.”
Ummmm I’m sorry, you think what?!
She explained that she doesn’t exactly believe in evolution because if we came from monkeys, then there would be no more monkeys. Okay, I didn’t even justify that with a response. Then she went on to say that she believes in intelligent alien life. I have no problem with that. I think that it’s naive and close-minded of us to not believe that there is some kind of other life in the universe. As far as it being intelligent is up for debate, but not something I have a strong opinion about. Then, she says that she believes that these aliens visit Earth all of the time… shit… please stop talking and I may be able to write that statement off as hopelessly endearing. But she kept going, and hit me with her brilliant theory of evolution:
Aliens were a dying breed, so they needed to procreate with a stronger species. They came to Earth on their space ships, fucked apes, thus creating humans as their offspring.
She was dead serious.
I have only gone out with this girl a few times, so I tried to be polite during the discussion, suppressing my “call-out” urges. I do have a bad habit of calling people out when they say something embarrassingly stupid. Anyway, when I rebutted with the two species cannot procreate fact, she had no idea what I was talking about. “What do you mean? What about donkeys?”
Oh man, the hits just keep on coming. First of all, I think you mean mules.
I informed her of the simple law of science, that while yes, a mule is a product of two different species, the line ends there. A mule cannot produce another mule. She was dumbfounded and so was I.
Despite my uh-oh moment, I still made plans with her for this week like a jackass. I never learn. The closer the date came to seeing her again, the more I knew I just didn’t want to. It was doomed. Yes, I was a bitch and blew her off when I should have just called her and let her down easy, but as stated, we had only hung out a few times, so a serious, “this isn’t working out” discussion seemed just that… a little too serious. No excuses though. I do feel bad about it but like I said, I’ll leave my confessions of self-hatred for a private journal entry.