If you’re just tuning in, please see Vol. 14, so you can get caught up with my current love life (or the shitshow, which is probably a more appropriate title).
I added boy number eight while simultaneously out with my smooth boyfriend. My game is getting a lot of practice. We were at a local bar and I was showing the smooth boy my boxing skills that I’ve been practicing when I spotted this kid at the jukebox. I recognized him right away. He was this guy that I had met once months before, who had left an impression on me but we never exchanged information or anything. He had this kind of brooding mysterious thing going for him, so I shouted what I thought was his name, just to see if he would turn around. I figured, if I get his name right, then I’ll go talk to him. If not, then I’ll just forget about it and maybe give him a head nod when he notices me.
I shouted, and sure enough, I got the name right so he turned around. I told my boy, “I have to go say hi to this guy.” He is a smooth motherfucker, so he didn’t skip a beat and just said something like, “Yeah girl, you do your thing,” as he sucked down some gross sweet vodka drink that I make fun of him for. He’s definitely my current favorite, by the way.
I chatted it up with brooding boy for a few minutes at the jukebox, and then he asked for my number which was appallingly obvious since he busted out his phone not seven feet away from my smooth motherfucker boyfriend. Oh well. When brooding boy actually used my number later that night, it instantly turned him into another dude on the list. I will say that he impressed me slightly when later in the night, after seeing my smooth boyfriend touch me in a more than friends kind of way, brooding boy straight up asked me, “Is that your boytoy?” which I responded with, “Is boytoy one word? Either way, I don’t know if I would use that term, but sure… something like that.” Brooding boy still called me for a date. Like I said before, it’s astounding the level of shit that people put up with during the chase.
I try not to break date plans because that just means schedule rearrangements and unnecessary apologies and it’s just an overall pain in the ass. With that being said, I canceled on brooding boy. First of all, his idea of a first date was watching the sunrise. I appreciate that he was trying to be unique I guess? And I feel I am being gracious by using the word unique, because… really dude? You want me to wake up at 6:00 in the fucking morning to watch a shitty sunrise over a polluted bay with traffic in the forefront with you? Whatever. I figured that I’d make him get a good breakfast with me and I also figured that maybe I should embrace the idea because it meant that I would have more time with the other boys. The ones who I would pencil in for normal, human functioning hours.
I texted him to confirm that we were meeting at 7:00 in the god damn morning, but I got a vague response back at approximately 1:00am, so I took that as a no. I didn’t even wait for further clarification because I figured on the off chance that he actually was trying to say yes in his poor attempt at a response to a very simple yes or no question, I could just inform him that he absolutely sucks at written communication. The following morning, I got a text from him at 10:00am, asking if I was awake. I was, and was a little annoyed that he just blatantly disregarded the fact that he broke plans with me, but I was starving. I texted him back and asked if he wanted to get breakfast. No response. So I figured this kid just doesn’t have it together and I’m going to get the newspaper and read it over french toast by myself, because that’s really what I wanted to do anyway. At this point, I was just thinking that I wanted to get this brooding boy date over with so I could move on with my life.
Not so very long story shortened… his phone seems to have difficulties. That is an immediate red flag for me. Not to be judgmental, because we all know that I will give anyone a chance (obviously), but a boy not having a car or a functioning phone is a big indicator to me that they just don’t have their shit together. I don’t mean financially, because I could not care less about that. Even if they didn’t have a car or a phone by choice, I would think that’s awesome and I would probably like them more. However, this is never the case. Usually, when someone doesn’t have a car or when they have one of those pre-paid phones, it just means that their life, in every area, will prove to be as big of a hassle as dealing with picking them up is, and the constant, “Call me on my roommates phone because I need to buy more minutes,” issues. Soon enough you’ll be listening to him bitch about how he got fired because his boss hates him for some reason, but you’ll be thinking to yourself, maybe he fired you because you’re always high, show up late and do the bare minimum. Mark my words, guys without cars and with pre-paid phones seem to attract problems. My life is an unpredictable mess, but if YOUR life is such an unpredictable mess that you can’t commit to a phone plan, you need to lay off the drugs and re-evaluate your life.
Back to brooding boy. After annoying communication problems that morning, we finally got a normal conversation in, in which we agreed that I would pick him up (yes, pick him up) from across town and go to lunch. At this point, it was well passed breakfast hours. The last thing that was said as we got off the phone was that he would pick a spot to eat at which would be nearby his place. Not five minutes later I receive a text from him saying, “So what’s the plan? I’ve been waiting.” WHAT?! I called him immediately and despite how much I do NOT know this kid I yelled, “Are you on drugs right now?! We JUST said that you would pick a place and we would go to lunch.” I honestly don’t even remember how he explained himself because I was way over it at this point. I told him I had to cancel because I had a sudden obligation (which was partly true) and I haven’t decided if I’m going to attempt to waste my time on him again or not. He seems to have really good taste in music and his Heathcliff type demeanor was doing something for me, but he’s clearly on what I call “stoner time,” and I am just not on that same clock.