Monthly Archives: March 2015

“To live… to live would be an awfully big adventure.”

I’m a firm believer in creating your own fun, it is not going to fall into your lap. Whatever the event or the day, you will only have a good time if you try to have a good time. My sister and I have been doing “Sister Sunday’s” for about a month now because I am currently home for a while, and we both happen to have that day off. It would have been easy for us to just sit on the couch and watch Lifetime (she is obsessed with all of those annoying women killer shows such as Snapped) and Law & Order re-runs and do twelve push-ups and say that we “worked out,” and possibly complete the day with an outing to Barnes & Noble or something, and while that sounds like it could be a good time, we were in the mood for fun with a little more spunk.

I came up with some ideas, and she narrowed it down. One, go to the flea market because we have never been. That was almost a fail, but we were saved by an old woman doing the electric slide and a corn dog. The flea market itself was pretty lame, and it attracted the most yokels that I have ever seen in one place and I swear that I saw the Marlboro man. Raven was craving a corn dog, and thank God it ended up being delicious because she waited fifteen minutes for a piece of fried guts, but it made her morning. On our way out we stopped for a moment to watch some honky crap band butcher music, but there was a four foot tall 85 year old woman doing the electric slide to “Sweet Caroline,” and that made my afternoon. You have to look closer. We could have easily missed the dancing geriatric, but I’ve learned to seek out possibly entertaining scenarios because like I said, it’s not going to fall into my lap. I figured the slight detour toward the redneck music would be worth it. We also found a beach chair that we bought from a one-legged man that had exactly three teeth, and I bought three books for only $1.50, so it wasn’t a total bust.

Next stop, roller rink. Here’s how serious Raven is about rollerskating, she actually owns a pair of skates. I don’t think I have ever known anyone else who owns a pair of rollerskates, but she and her friends went through a major phase when they were younger teenagers and going to the roller rink was an actual thing in their teen angst world. Here’s how serious I am about rollerskating, I have not put on a pair of skates since I was eight years old and going to a cake and ice cream birthday party. I was killing it though! Well, next to Raven, who can dance and do all sorts of tricks and things on her skates I looked like an asshole, but I was stoked that I was able to turn corners and that I did not fall one time. After a few laps around and I was able to do that cross over thing with your skates one does while turning, and I even got good enough to groove to the terrible bubble-gum pop music while swerving my legs in and out. We were by far the oldest two there (aside from the parents) and we topped off the juvenile outing with a couple of games of ski ball, and did our good deed for the day when we gave the tickets that we had won to a little mopey boy that was sitting on the ground next to us.

Back home now, and we made our own pina coladas using the magic bullet, which I have only ever used to make cocktails with rather than kale smoothies which was the original plan when I went through one of my detox kicks that lasted for all of four hours, and sipped on our tropical drink while watching Channing Tatum dance and fantasized out loud about being his girlfriend. Then, we went to the Tampa Theatre, which I still believe is one of the prettiest theatres in the country. Due to touring with the ballet company I have worked for in the past, I have been to the prettiest theatres in America, including The Fox Theatre in Detroit, The Palace in Albany and Temple Theatre in Saginaw, which are among my favorites, but I still think that the theatre that I grew up with in Tampa is at the top of the list as well. We watched some indie horror movie that was average, and then explored the theatre and took pictures of ourselves lounging in the ornate corridors while I fantasized about becoming the real Phantom of the Opera.

More drinks were next, and we stopped at our Dad’s restaurant and caused some chaos. There was a band playing, and we laid low at first and played a game of Go Fish with our Dad, and then Raven ran away when Dad and I started discussing politics, which somehow seems to always get brought up when we’re together. What began as a debate on whether or not we consider each other to be patriotic, somehow ended with the conclusion that capitalism sucks. I think that most American political roads lead to that conclusion.

Once Rory,the boy who is unafraid, joined us, that’s when the real ruckus began. Myself, Raven and Rory started playing Dare. Not truth or dare, just dare. He started it. He dared me to get up on the stage where the band was playing and do this Irish jig thing that I was doing as a joke on St. Patrick’s day. Everyone in the audience must have been drunk because I got an applause afterward and a bunch of high fives for that goofy piece of shit dance. We dared Raven to bring a shot over to this guy who was clearly there with his girlfriend and say, “this is from some girl at the bar.” Raven accepted the dare, which caused the girlfriend/wife to apparently get all worked up and began harassing the host, bombarding her with interrogations as to who bought her boyfriend a shot. The three of us took diabolical delight in this scene. I dared Rory to get up onto the bar and dance, which I definitely would NOT have done, but like I said… he’s unafraid, and he did it without a second thought. He has some moves, and was up there for a solid thirty seconds before kartwheeling off the bar, an impressive dismount. The kartwheel looked like so much fun, so then Rory and I began doing kartwheels together in the middle of the road, while Raven was inside talking to Jay, this boy that she’s friends with every other week. They are a damn rollercoaster and have an utterly different relationship every single day. On Monday they’ll be laughing and flirting and Jay will tell her how beautiful she is, and then on Tuesday, he’ll delete her from every social media and they won’t even make eye contact with each other. I just think it’s hilarious (and find it interesting that deletions from social medias are the lowest of blows one of their generation can inflict) and I not-so-secretly want her to be with him if he ever gets himself under control. Right now he’s still young and trying to figure out how to get through a day without an epic emotional crisis (a feeling I can very much recall from my teenage years), but I think he’s a good kid and has potential to be a good boyfriend.

After a couple of more dares and a bunch more laughs, we called it a night and headed home. It was such a fun, uplifting day, and I challenge all of you to start having more lighthearted fun. Stay young! Look closer. Be brave. We easily could have just went out to lunch and then drank beer on the porch, and there is nothing wrong with that. I do that often and have a perfectly pleasant time, but I think it’s important to also venture out of your comfort zone every once in a while and find new ways of having fun so that you don’t get stuck in the mundane. Only boring people get bored, so next time you find yourself “bored,” start making your own fun. Go make a fool out of yourself at a roller rink, try rock climbing, spice up sitting and having drinks with dares and outlandish questions like, “how much would I have to pay you to eat a jar of mayonaise with a spoon?” I hate mayonnaise and answered, $10,000 but Raven said she would do it for $20. So gross. “How much would you have to get paid to leave the country right now and not return or visit at all for five years?” Talk to someone new, ride your bike through a park instead of going to the gym, finger paint, build something, go somewhere new… live large.

“Stay hungry, stay free and do the best that you can.”

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The Rules of Touring

1. Use common sense.

2. Be considerate.

3. Don’t complain.

That’s it. Those are the only true rules of touring. I started writing a book, and though I have never thought about listing tour rules, it began to organically happen while drafting one of the chapters. I had fun with it, and made a whole list of specific rules such as, keep the damn doors shut to bunk alley until everyone is awake, you inconsiderate bastard! But after going over my list, and after something Monterey said, I realized that it was redundant and everything came down to use common sense, be considerate and don’t complain. Simple as that.

A person who sucks at being a busmate will always suck at being a busmate no matter how many tours they go on because these “rules” aren’t learned, they’re just called, not being an asshole. I’m sorry, I know there are a lot of sweet people out there who are lacking in common sense, but you’re still an asshole, even if you have the best intentions. I absolutely have my daft moments, the English hooligan can attest to that after sitting with me in a freezing room for two hours trying to fix a string of paperwork the time when I forgot that 175 is not the same as 150. But! I have enough common sense to know that if I’m living on a bus with ten other people and one mini fridge, than I shouldn’t buy a gallon of milk.

Complaining is toxic. Just don’t do it. Next time you want to bitch about the venue’s catering or how there are no cups on the bus, remind yourself that you get to travel around the world for a living, so shut the fuck up and do your job.

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