Back on the road, with a metal band this time. Although it’s not exactly my kind of music, I am in love with them because they are just such good people. We are the headliner’s, but there are three other bands on the tour package. The second band on the bill, is a metal band from NYC. After load out the other night, I was chatting with them outside of the buses, and they invited me onto their bus to smoke. Mind you, I very rarely smoke weed, but I figured why not? I can’t even remember the last time I did, and it would be a fun bonding session. On to the back lounge. If you’ve ever been on a tour bus, you know that the back lounge is a tiny little maybe 6×6 room. There were seven of us crammed in there passing around joint after joint. They also had some sort of other smoking contraption which they passed it to me and I was like, “I don’t even know what to do with that thing…” so I stuck with the joint. I only took two hits because like I said, I don‘t smoke often so two and I am golden. Well, being in that hot box… two and I was retarded.
Some sort of banter took place, where the word “fag” was thrown in. I hate that word, so I may have literally cringed. The lead singer (who is the one who invited me to this session) went along to say, “I’m just kidding… we’re LGBT friendly here. He (pointing to the sound guy) is transgender and I’m post-op.” WHAT?! Now, let’s rewind and let me try to paint you a picture. These are metal dudes. Haven’t showered in days, silver rings on every finger, PBR drinking, buy coke from groupies, has a different girl everyday, DUDES. So here I am, HIGH AS FUCK, trying to figure out if these two guys used to be girls. They are all being fun high people, laughing… carrying on, and I am just trying to not to lose my goddamn mind. I could not keep up with their conversation at all. So now, along with attempting to not freak out and pretend to know what the fuck they’re all talking about, I’m also looking for clues. I was checking for adam’s apples’, feminine hands, breasts, looking at their crotches, etc. Like a total asshole, I was just sitting there staring, trying to decide if he was just kidding, or if they were actually born females. Then, the most masculine looking guy of them all, starts putting his head on the [supposed] transgender’s shoulder. Now I’m really confused. That’s cool if some gay romance is taking place, but hold on, if he was transgender, he’d be straight! He would be into girl’s! Yet he was letting this guy rest his head cutely on his shoulder. Maybe it was just simple band commradere? Maybe they’ve just spent so much time in close quarters together that a head on the shoulder is not a big deal. Maybe? Maybe they were just retarded high too? But regardless, they are all incredibly hospitable and cool cool people. Bus call approached, and I walked back to my bus.
My tour manager began giving me shit about hanging out with the “support band,” saying rubbish like, “You were concerned about appearing to be a lot lizard* last night, and yet you’re going back to the other band’s bus.” I played into it at first because I thought he was kidding, so I went with the joke saying, “Yeah… I took all of them at once.” After a minute or so, I realized that he was fucking serious. He was actually irritated at me for hanging out with the other band! I felt like saying, “would this even be an issue if I was a boy?” but, I was so high, that I was worried I was being paranoid. Instead of standing up for myself, and calling him out for being a dick (which would be normal Caitlin behavior), I awkwardly said NOTHING and went into my bunk. I decided to asses the situation in the morning when I was of sober state of mind. Morning arrived, and I decided that 1.) My TM was in fact annoyed, but I was definitely blowing it out of proportion in my high mind that night. 2.) I could not have been more off in my absurd suspicions about the metal dudes once having vaginas. Now that I know them even better than I did that night, I laugh out loud at the thought of me actually taking that notion seriously for an entire evening. 3.) I suck at being high.
*lot lizard- noun. Truck stop whore. Literally.